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About Glasgow

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I head down to High Street. You know, the main drag. It’s got that classic vibe, all quaint shops and stuff. I’m thinking coffee, obviously. Can’t start a day without caffeine, am I right? So I pop into this cute little café, The Honiton Coffee House. I order a flat white, and the barista—bless her—totally messes it up. I mean, how do you mess up a flat white? It’s just milk and espresso! I’m like, “Uh, this is a latte, not a flat white.” She just smiles and says, “It’s all good, mate.” I’m like, “No, it’s not!” But whatever, I chug it down anyway.

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